By Mallory Mattingly
Editor’s note: The following story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know battles harmful thoughts, please dial 988 for help.
Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran opened up about how God saved his life when he attempted suicide.
In 2022, Duran entered his first year of major leagues and made some costly errors right off the bat. With the fans and media constantly berating him, the athlete struggled and “didn’t even want to be here anymore,” he revealed in Netflix’s new documentary THE CLUBHOUSE: A YEAR WITH THE BOSTON RED SOX.
Soon after, Duran attempted to take his own life by shooting himself, “but nothing happened.”
“To this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off,” Duran reflected. “But I took it as a sign that ‘Alright, I might have to be here for a reason,’ so that’s when I started to look at myself in the mirror [differently].”
He continued: “I was like, ‘Do I want to be here, or do I not want to be here?’ That happened for a reason and obviously, you’re here for a reason, so let’s be the way you want to be and play the way you want to play and live the way you want to live.”
Series director Greg Whiteley talked with PEOPLE and explained that Duran wanted to share his story to shed light on the struggles professional athletes face.
“Jarren, to his credit, is absolutely fearless. He really is somebody that is a champion of open and honest dialogue,” Whiteley said. “He is, I think by nature, a kind of shy person, but he’s very principled and he felt strongly — he had indicated to me that there may be others. He’s sure that there are others that struggled in some of the same ways that he did, and he wanted them to know that they weren’t alone.”
“If he felt that by telling his story, it might help others not feel the same kind of loneliness that he felt then he was, he wanted to do it,” he continued. “I think if you were to get to know Jarren, none of those sentiments would surprise you, and his willingness to share them wouldn’t surprise you either. His heart is firmly in the right place.”
Duran’s vulnerability already made a difference. According to the New England Sports Network, there has been a major “uptick in teens seeking help in response to Duran’s openness about mental health.”
In June last year, Duran shared a photo of himself in his Red Sox uniform. In the caption, he quoted the book, “,” by Charlie Mackesy:
“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?
asked the boy.
“Help,” said the horse.
“Asking for help isn’t giving up,” said the horse. “It’s refusing to give up.”
Duran added the hashtag “#mentalhealthawareness.”
As Duran’s life reveals, professional athletes are not superheroes. They are real people with real problems and real feelings. For anyone struggling with their mental health, please reach out to someone and get the help you need. This world is better with you in it.
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