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How This Reality Star Broke Free From People-Pleasing and Found Her Identity in Christ
By Movieguide® Contributor
Jinger Duggar Vuolo is opening up about her history of people-pleasing and how she overcame it to find her identity in Christ.
“It was interesting, growing up in the setting that I did,” she said during an episode of TAKEAWAYS WITH KIRK CAMERON. “I had loving parents who pointed me towards Jesus and they were very faithful in that…but sadly, they got wrapped up in some teaching that was heavily steeped in legalism.”
Vuolo continued, “That led me to some very difficult places where I felt myself being so consumed with trying to please God [and] please people around me in an unhealthy way, and so I was so thankful God broke me free from that.”
READ MORE: HOW JINGER DUGGAR FOUND FREEDOM FROM LEGALISM
She shared that she was consumed with anxiety about how others saw her, which was exacerbated by her family’s reality show, 19 KIDS AND COUNTING. Vuolo’s concern with others’ opinions ever led her to develop an eating disorder.
“These things really drove what I did and didn’t do and sent me down a path of isolation and fear,” she said. “I was not finding my identity where it should be, in Christ, but I was finding it in other people’s applause or their approval.”
Things began to change when she and her husband moved to Los Angeles.
“I was like, ‘I want to start fresh. I don’t want to repeat these patterns that I’ve had for so long,’” Vuolo said. “I realized, ‘Okay, I want to stop fighting and living in this lie of trying to be somebody that I”m not. I want to go to God’s word and see who I truly am in Christ and then embrace that identity of being satisfied in Christ.”
She continued, “I am filled in Christ and now that overflows into self-sacrifice and I can love others from a place of satisfaction.”
Vuolo explores this topic in her latest book, People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations.
In an excerpt from the book, posted on her Instagram page, Vuolo writes, “At the core of this component of people pleasing is the grab for perfection….We’re allowing our sense of who we are to be replaced by a statement of what we should be, one generated by algorithms and marketers, impossible standards for our waistlines and closets and budgets and emotions to keep up with.”
She continued, “I can tell you this: all the effort required to keep playing these parts of perfect businesswoman, perfect mom, perfect spouse, perfect friend, perfect interior designer, perfect cook, perfect workout girl, perfect daughter, perfect perfect perfect? It’s wearing us out. It’s worn me out.”
Speaking about the book to Fox News, Vuolo said, “I exposed the harmful teachings I was raised under. But then I began to realize that I was so entrapped by what people think about me that I was almost unwilling to speak on this topic. I was so afraid of losing my community, my friends, my family, those who I love so dearly.”
“I thought if I spoke up against them, then I would be putting everything on the line,” she said. “And as a people pleaser, it was the disapproval that I faced that I feared the most.”
READ MORE: ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER? HOW THIS REALITY STAR FOUND FREEDOM
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