SOMEWHERE

SOMEWHERE lets you know it’s going to be boring right in the beginning. The camera holds steady on a tiny switchback of a racetrack. Every few seconds a car passes, then nothing, then the car goes the other direction. Eventually, after an inordinate number of minutes, the driver stops and gets out. In the next scene, the driver, movie star named Johnny, is surrounded by groupies. Stoned out of his mind, he falls. The next scene has Johnny in bed watching two blond twins pole dance for a long amount of time. And, so it goes. The character who seems to have some sense is Johnny’s daughter, Cleo, but long segments of the movie hold on Chloe and Johnny sitting on lounge chairs as the minutes pass.

SOMEHWERE arguably is the most boring miserable movie of all time. Even the extremely lewd scenes are boring. Clearly, Sofia Coppola is a highly overrated director trying to show the boredom of Hollywood celebrity life. As the great Lee Strasberg once said, if you’re going to portray boredom, you can’t be boring. SOMEWHERE is like an adolescent, artsy, pornographic concept movie that goes nowhere.

HEADLINE: ** The Most Boring Movie **

Title: SOMEWHERE

Quality: * Acceptability: -4

SUBTITLES: None

WARNING CODES:

Language: LL

Violence: V

Sex: SS

Nudity: NN

RATING: R

RELEASE: December 22, 2010

TIME: 98 minutes

STARRING: Stephen Dorff, Elle Fanning, Chris Pontius, Laura Chiatti, Lala Slootman, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Monaghan

DIRECTOR: Sofia Coppola

PRODUCERS: Sofia Coppola, G. Mac Brown, Roman Coppola

EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Francis Ford Coppola, Paul Rassam, Fred Roos

WRITER: Sofia Coppola

BASED ON THE NOVEL/PLAY BY: N/A

DISTRIBUTOR: Focus Features

CONTENT: (HHH, LL, V, SS, NN, AAA, DDD, MM) Extremely strong humanist, nihilistic, pathetic worldview with no redemptive content and ennui leads to rejection of lifestyle; 11 obscenities and four profanities; man falls down stairs and wears a cast; sexual situations with multiple sexual one-night stands, two twin blond pole dancers dance for protagonist at least twice, women bare breasts for protagonist, shadowed fornication, and man looks at women while he’s out and about; upper female nudity several times, partial rear female nudity and obscured full male nudity; extreme alcohol abuse; smoking and extreme pill popping; and, tattoos, film clip of Gandhi, gambling, and extreme boredom.

GENRE: Drama

INTENDED AUDIENCE: Adults

REVIEWER: Dr. Ted Baehr

REVIEW: SOMEHWERE arguably is the most boring miserable movie of all time. Even the extremely graphic sexual moments are boring.

The movie lets you know it’s going to be boring right in the beginning. The camera holds steady on a tiny switchback of a racetrack. Every few seconds a car passes, then nothing, then the car goes the other direction, then nothing, then the car passes again. Eventually, after an inordinate number of minutes, the driver stops and gets out.

In the next scene, the driver, Johnny, is at the Chateau de Marmont in Hollywood surrounded by groupies. Stoned out of his mind, he falls.

The next scene has Johnny in bed watching two blond twins pole dance for a long amount of time, shaking their thinly covered bodies as he lies in bed.

Evidently, Johnny is a movie star. Johnny goes to a press junket and can barely answer the questions. His ex-wife drops his daughter off, and Johnny keeps having affairs. Several women expose their breasts for him.

A male masseuse comes and strips in order to massage him. Johnny rejects the male masseuse.

Cleo, his daughter, seems to have some sense, but long segments of the movie hold on Chloe and Johnny sitting on lounge chairs as the minutes pass.

Clearly, Sofia Coppola is a highly overrated director trying to show the boredom of Hollywood celebrity life. As the great acting teacher Lee Strasberg once said, if you’re going to portray boredom, you can’t be boring.

SOMEWHERE is like an adolescent, artsy, pornographic concept movie that goes nowhere.

Please address your comments to:

Jeffrey R. Immelt, Chairman/CEO, General Electric

James Schamus, CEO

Focus Features (A Division of NBC Universal and General Electric)

65 Bleecker St., 2nd Floor

New York, NY 10012

Phone: (212) 539-4000; Fax: (212) 539-4099

Website: www.focusfeatures.com

SUMMARY: SOMEHWERE arguably is the most boring miserable movie of all time, with a story about the ennui of a despicable, promiscuous, stoned actor. SOMEWHERE is like an adolescent, artsy, pornographic concept movie that goes nowhere.

IN BRIEF:

SOMEWHERE lets you know it’s going to be boring right in the beginning. The camera holds steady on a tiny switchback of a racetrack. Every few seconds a car passes, then nothing, then the car goes the other direction. Eventually, after an inordinate number of minutes, the driver stops and gets out. In the next scene, the driver, movie star named Johnny, is surrounded by groupies. Stoned out of his mind, he falls. The next scene has Johnny in bed watching two blond twins pole dance for a long amount of time. And, so it goes. The character who seems to have some sense is Johnny’s daughter, Cleo, but long segments of the movie hold on Chloe and Johnny sitting on lounge chairs as the minutes pass.

SOMEHWERE arguably is the most boring miserable movie of all time. Even the extremely lewd scenes are boring. Clearly, Sofia Coppola is a highly overrated director trying to show the boredom of Hollywood celebrity life. As the great Lee Strasberg once said, if you’re going to portray boredom, you can’t be boring. SOMEWHERE is like an adolescent, artsy, pornographic concept movie that goes nowhere.