THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS

THE DANGEROUS LIFE OF ALTAR BOYS is a coming of age exploitation slap at the Roman Catholic church and all things Christian. It is about a group of boys at a Catholic school who call themselves outsiders, but actually they’re the gang that intimidates everyone else. Their overt real-life rebellion is mirrored in the even more overt sexual sadomasochistic comics that they draw, featuring the religious characters, such as the nun and the priest of their school, as abhorrent villains.

There must be kids like this somewhere in the world. Certainly they inhabit Hollywood movies, but in 56 years of going to school in seven countries and traveling widely and living everywhere from the backstage of a Broadway theater to the suburbs, it’s hard to find such rebellious stinkers in real life, and it is questionable whether anyone would want to find them.

The movie starts with Francis, played by Emil Hirsch, and Tim played by Kieran Culkin, drinking and taking a chainsaw to cut down a telephone pole, which is clearly a symbol of the Cross. In this regard, the novel has been compared to Flannery O’Connor, but Flanery O’Connor had a sacramental, Christocentric subtlety that has escaped these movie makers.

As if the symbolic cutting down of the Cross is not enough, the next scene shows Francis, Tim and two friends looking at the ultra-violent sadomasochistic comics that they draw, featuring their violent alter-ego comic characters stomping, drilling, screwing, and defecating on the villainous Nunzilla, who represents their teacher, Sister Assumpta, played by Jodie Foster in one of her most lackluster roles. (Perhaps, Jodie was too busy producing this anti-Christian diatribe.)

In the process of their overt rebellion against the school, Francis and his friends steal the cast iron saint in the bell tower, almost killing the priest in the process. They also drug the wine in the Communion so the priest can’t finish the Mass, and many other attacks.

Francis falls in love with Margie. They proceed to have some of the most titillating encounters in film history, reminding one of the pedophile movie KIDS. One of Margie’s seduction techniques is telling Francis about her fornication with her own brother, Donnie. During one of their sexual encounters, a ghost sits on the bed and watches them.

The piece de resistance on the boys’ attack is to capture a cougar and release it into Sister Assumpta’s office, which they have trashed. They drug the cougar at the wildlife farm, but when Tim goes into the caged off area to get the cougar, its mate attacks him.

In the end, which is being disclosed to spoil this rotten movie for everyone who would still want to see it after reading the review so far, Francis is asked to read something at the funeral service. He gets up and reads, “Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright.” Thus, fatalism trumps Christianity.

There is very little positive comments one can say about this movie, except that there are glimpses of talent through the acting of Kieran Culkin, Emile Hirsch and especially Jena Malone, who plays Margie.

Otherwise, the movie is one long intentional attack on the Church and Christianity. In fact, it is so vile in places that reviewers were walking out of the screening. These are the same reviewers who were joking about the pope just before the movie started, so it is clear that it was the vile content, not just the anti-Christian content, that was upsetting them.

There have been better exposes of the evil within the church. A little subtlety would have given the movie more impact. Also, the theme of incest was totally unnecessary, as were the ghost, the comic books and the cougar.

Just before the screening, I was invited to lecture to a Jewish group in Los Angeles. They were enthusiastic about our work at the Christian Film & Television Commission ministry. They realize that anti-Semitic bigotry and anti-Christian bigotry have the same destabilizing effect on society. We discussed and showed clips from some of the movies the Nazis made to attack Judaism. Those National Socialist movies from Hitler’s Germany were reminiscent of this movie.

There will be people who find this kind of thing cutting edge and relish the thought of attacking the Roman Catholic church. Regrettably, all it can do is foster a climate of hate in this society. The Motion Picture Code was right when it said don’t demean the ministry of religion or mock anyone’s faith. The filmmakers behind THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS show no sense of responsibility or civility.