TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE

Here is a twist. A movie made from a television show instead of the reverse. Offensive content notwithstanding, this film probably is better suited for late night television anyway. However, it matters little, for the result is the same — another violent horror film from the “dark side.”

A sinister suburban housewife connects three tales by telling them to a boy who is her captive, and whom she plans to cook and eat. (The boy turns the tables on her by film’s end.)

In “Lot 249”, university archeology student Andy Smith takes part in a study of an Egyptian mummy. His rival, however, discovers an incantation that brings the mummy to life and orders it to kill whomever he chooses. After a host of gruesome murders, the mummy is ordered to kill Andy, but Andy proves resourceful. Using an electric carving knife, Andy cuts off the mummy’s appendages one at a time, which culminates when he comically throws all the parts into a burning fireplace.

Even more grotesque and gut-wrenching is “Cat from Hell”, in which a desperate wheel-chaired millionaire hires Mr. Halston, a professional killer, to get rid of a “pet” — a possessed cat that has the ability to murder its caretaker. A seemingly easy job, Mr. Halston proceeds without much caution, until the cat begins to attack him. Angered, Halston takes out his arsenal of weapons, only to find that the cat can outwit any plan he undertakes. In the most repulsive scene ever witnessed, the cat suffocates Halston by jumping into his mouth, then continues down his throat to hide till the owner returns.

In “Lover’s Vow”, James Preston is a SoHo artist who witnesses a friend’s decapitation by a hideous gargoyle. The monstrous creature says he will spare Preston’s life if he promises to never tell anyone what he has seen. Petrified, Preston makes the promise. As he runs from the scene, he meets a woman hailing a cab out of this worst of neighborhoods. They begin a relationship. She seems to bring Preston unlimited good fortune. Marrying, they raise a family, and after many years, successful and happy, Preston is on top of the world with only one problem. He continues to be tormented by the secret he keeps. Finally, he shares it with his wife, who immediately starts to fall apart, exposing the grotesque gargoyle which kills him.

Films of this nature are never worthy of any support from “God’s people.” With violent and regurgitating sequences, they do nothing but dehumanize the death experience. If believers are to be salt in the world, one sure-fire way is to constantly abstain from films like these. There’s no doubt in my mind or heart that to the Lord the film makers can be likened unto Isaiah 65:5. “Such people are smoke in my nostrils, a fire that keeps burning all day.”